When it comes to relationships, everyone has different levels of comfort and anxiety. For some, the thought of being in a relationship is anxiety-inducing, while for others, the idea of being single is what causes them stress.

So, what exactly is relationship anxiety? 

Simply put, relationship anxiety is the fear of being in a relationship. It can manifest itself in a number of ways, such as feeling constantly worried about your partner cheating on you or fearing that you will say or do something that will drive them away. It can also feel like being worried that you are with the wrong person, are not being appreciated or should ‘leave’ before you regret it later.

Relationship anxiety can be damaging as it can lead to triggering an urge to:

• run or fight
• self protection
• partner interrogation
• seeking validation
• jealousy
• clinginess
• general feeling of insecurity

If you’re someone who experiences relationship anxiety, know that you’re not alone. It’s a very common fear and one that can be worked on with the help of a therapist or counsellor. If you’re struggling with relationship anxiety, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. 

The symptoms of relationship anxiety  

When it comes to relationship anxiety, there are a few key symptoms to look out for. Firstly, those who suffer from relationship anxiety may find themselves constantly doubting their partner’s feelings for them. They may also feel as though they are not good enough for their partner, and that their relationship is not as strong as it could be.

This leads to:

• Overthinking

• Looking for flaws

• Having emotional responses to things your partner may do, say or not do and say.

Everyone has a learned experience of what love is, and expectations can be unmet when we are anxiously worrying about whether the relationship will last or should last. Additionally, sufferers of relationship anxiety may often feel jealous or possessive of their partner and may go to great lengths to keep them close or control them. 

 

The causes of relationship anxiety  

There are many causes of relationship anxiety, but one of the most common is simply

a lack of communication…

When you and your partner don’t communicate effectively, it can lead to feelings of insecurity and mistrust. This can be especially difficult if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and have developed different communication styles. It’s important to try to understand each other’s needs and wants.

Find ways to communicate that are effective for both of you. 

Another common cause of relationship anxiety is insecurity. This can be caused by past experiences, such as if you’ve been hurt in a previous relationship. It can also be caused by low self-esteem, which can make it difficult to believe that someone could truly love and care for you. If you’re feeling insecure in your relationship, it’s important to talk to your partner about it. They may be able to help boost your confidence and help you feel more secure in the relationship. 

Our past experiences definitely impact our present-day emotional responses, and this is essentially what this is all about. There are never just the two of you in a relationship – each person brings their past with them and we are often responding to those past triggers when we engage with our partner. This can cause confusing blow ups and situations which seem to come out of nowhere. One minute everything is fine, and the next minute things just get out of control. 

 
How to overcome relationship anxiety  

When it comes to relationships, anxiety is something that many of us experience. Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been in one for a while, feeling anxious about your relationship is common. The reason we feel anxious is often because we are heavily emotionally invested and have a lot to lose, and the thought of things not working out can be unbearable. There can also be a fear of losing independence, ending up in a powerless and loveless situation, or being taken advantage of. When these feelings become overwhelming and start to interfere with your daily life, it’s time to take action.  

If you’re struggling with relationship anxiety, there are some steps you can take to help manage it.  

1. Identify the source of your anxiety:

It’s important to try and identify what exactly is causing your anxiety. Is it fear of commitment? Jealousy? Low self-esteem? Knowing the root cause of your anxiety will help you better address it.  

2. Name the feeling and locate it in your body…

The body physically responds to emotion and we have for the most part not been taught to connect with this physical part of us when we are experiencing our emotions. 

3. Communicate openly and honestly:

Firstly, with yourself! – What is this emotion wanting to tell you. It might be saying (not safe, run, fight, fawn BUT the real communication if you listen is likely to be an expression of needs…) You can express these needs to your partner in a NON-BLAMING way… ultimately, our partner is not responsible for meeting our needs, that is something we can learn to do, and then show up in the relationship more confidently. Tell your partner if you feel scared… The words “I feel scared” are a lot less inflammatory then “You never (insert words).  
 
Clear communication is key for any healthy relationship and this is especially true when it comes to managing anxiety. Talk openly with your partner about how you’re feeling and what kind of support you need from them.  

4. Challenge negative thoughts:

Anxiety often leads to negative thoughts which can be difficult to shake off. When those thoughts come up, challenge them by asking yourself if they are realistic or rational. This will help put things into perspective and make it easier to move past them.  

5. Practice self-care:

Caring for yourself is essential when dealing with any kind of emotional distress and this applies to relationship anxiety too! Take some time out each day for activities that bring you joy and make sure to get enough restful sleep every night as well as exercise regularly. Tiredness is the culprit for a lot of irrational and emotional behaviours that cause regret later. So is alcohol… essentially, if you’re drunk and tired… you will likely cause disconnection. 

6. Seek professional help:

If your relationship anxiety persists despite trying the above tips, it may be worth considering seeing a therapist who can provide further guidance on how best to manage your emotions.  

Relationship anxiety can be an incredibly difficult thing to deal with but don’t despair! By taking the steps outlined above, you’ll be able to manage your emotions better and build a healthier, more secure relationship with your partner in the long run. 
 

In conclusion 

Many people suffer from relationship anxiety. It is the fear of being rejected, abandoned, disrespected, or hurt by another person. This fear can sabotage relationships and keep people from forming intimate connections. 

There are a few things you can do to overcome relationship anxiety.

• First, understand that it is a normal reaction to a perceived threat.
• Second, talk to someone about your fears and concerns.
• Third, practice self-care and take time for yourself.
• Fourth, be honest with your partner about your feelings and try not to assume the worst.
• Fifth, remember that everyone makes mistakes; it’s how you handle them that matters most. 

If you struggle with relationship anxiety, don’t let it keep you from having a happy and fulfilling life. There are many ways to overcome this challenge and live a life free of fear and worry.